I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
