Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
