i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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