Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
