If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
