This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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