I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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