We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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