if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
