WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
