He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
