I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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