Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
