So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize