She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
