It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
