thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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