I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In America we eat man semen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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