juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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