singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
