I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
