Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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