Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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