I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
