Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
