11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
