Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
