Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
