I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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