We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
