I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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