this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
