I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize