she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
