i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
