I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize