She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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