Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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