pop tarts are not kleenex
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
