on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
