Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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