i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize