I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I touched a dick in church today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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