forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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