I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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