I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
