tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize