Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
