We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
