he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize