When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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