It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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