someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
