i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
