I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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