We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he shaved USA in his pubs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
