guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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