Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
