It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
