Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
