I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
