Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
