getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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