I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
