she looked like the before picture.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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