Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
