She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm too high and old for this...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
