you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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